Never once in my 9 months of pregnancy did I think I’d make it to today (Emi’s due date) and that my baby girl wouldn’t be here. I didn’t even know that going over your due date was a possibility until high school, my mom was always early.
Mother’s Day weekend was especially hard, it’s not that I don’t think I’m already a mom, I know I am, but I want my baby so bad.
I started to get angry at my body for not going into labor. I’ve ‘joked’ that I’m broken… this probably sounds so self centered and pathetic because there are so many out there who would love to be where I am and can’t be. Please forgive me, I’m not trying to be insensitive. My sister jokes that she never had the baby blues after delivery, but she had pre-partum depression. I’m starting to think she may be on to something. I’m so exhausted emotionally, waking up each day just hoping that my body will do something! And every night when we go to bed I’m crushed.
So I’m trying to change my thinking and stop hating on myself for what isn’t happening and praising my body for what is. It’s created a body for my daughter, who is healthy and active! It’s having practice contractions and preparing for delivery. And it’s preparing to continue sustaining her life when she gets here. Truly it’s miraculous!
I’m trying to change my prayers from ‘please let her come today’ to ‘please, just let her come before we have to be induced and let her be healthy’ and if you’ve been praying for us, I hope you will join me in praying for that. I know that we are so blessed. I can’t wait to meet this little girl, to see her beautiful face, hints of Matt around her eyes or nose, to hold her in my arms and be terrified because of all her potential and the responsibility I have to her and my Father in Heaven to get her back home. I love her so much already.